[Bird caws, dog barks]
- Okay so, as we all know,
I think surprise parties are tacky,
and far too often organized by well-intentioned people
with very bad taste.
But Patrick has always wanted one,
poor thing.
So I am throwing him a surprise party tonight.
Johnny: Well David, these kinds of parties take time,
and... planning.
Now, when I planned that Casablanca-themed party
for your mother's 40th,
I had to quarantine the camels for a month.
- Mhmm. - Yeah David,
this is all feeling very sketchy and last minute-y.
- I've actually been organizing this for quite some time,
I'm just telling you right now
because I know that none of you can keep a secret.
- Oh! At 9 a.m. it's a little early
for character assassination.
Not one of you knows how the "Crows" movie ends.
- You told me the day you got home.
- You gave me the script.
- And you were both sworn to secrecy,
so David is right not to trust you.
- Yeah, this is why I'm reluctant to tell you
that there is an extra surprise tonight.
I invited Patrick's parents.
- Oh my God, David!
- Oh, that is very exciting news, son!
Meeting the parents!
That's a big step.
- Yes, things are certainly racing along
at a dangerously rapid velocity.
- Thank you so much, we're doing great.
Now, I will only be throwing one surprise party,
and one surprise party only.
So tonight there will be a surprise.
And there will be tears.
Even if they're just my own. Okay?
- How did it end again? Like, a crowmageddon?
- Crowpocalypse.
But you didn't hear it from me. - [Snickers]
- So... - Wow.
♪♪♪
- This is a really big deal, Johnny.
I mean, meeting my best friend's son's
boyfriend's parents for the very first time,
I am very touched that you wanted me
to share this moment with you.
- I asked you to mow the lawn three times, Roland,
So you being here is more your decision than mine.
[Door latch clicks]
- Oh! Clint: Hello.
- Oh, hi!
- Hi. - You must be the Brewers.
- I'm Clint. This is my wife, Marci.
- What a special moment this is for all of us, huh?
- [Chuckles] - You must be David's Dad.
- Oh, no, no! I do get that all the time, though.
It's uh, you know, you've got David's handsome looks there,
and then my face.
- Yeah, I'm David's father, Johnny Rose.
- Johnny, it's a pleasure to meet you.
- Yes, hi. - Hi.
- Now, Patrick tells me you run the motel.
- More like, runs it into the ground.
[Laughs uproariously]
Oh, we do have a lot of fun around here, don't we?
- We do, sometimes.
Roland, do you want to get the room key for them?
- Sure.
- So this is all very exciting.
I assume we'll see you tonight?
- Oh you definitely will.
- So Patrick has been keeping us up to date
about everything he and David have been doing,
and I think it's amazing how far they've come.
- Yes, yes, yes it is.
But uh, I'll have to admit,
I've been somewhat of a skeptic about those two.
- This one isn't as progressive as the rest of us.
It's a generational thing with him.
- I was talking about the store, Roland.
You know, mixing a business relationship
and a romantic relationship, well, that's...
it can get kinda tricky sometimes.
- I-I-I missed the last part
of what you just said. The uh...
- Oh, well, you were aware they were in business
together as well, right?
- We knew that part, yes.
- Really? Because it kind of seems like the two of you
just found out some really shocking information.
- Did I speak out of turn?
- I-I think we'll just go to the room,
and get ready for the big surprise tonight.
- Oh, sure.
[Door latch clicks]
[Door slams]
- Huh. Correct me if I'm wrong here, Johnny.
But it kinda seems like they didn't know
their son is in a relationship with David.
- [Gasps] You're looking especially fresh
and photogenic today, Mother.
- Why thank you, Alexis.
Perhaps it's my excellent news.
I found a very promising revenue stream
to help finance the little deficit we've accrued
on "Cabaret". - What might that be?
- Well, according to the radio,
there's a darling little medical clinic in Elm Grove.
Where if any one of us, say, you, or your father,
participates in a few nugatory tests,
we could be bringing in over $200 a week!
- [Gasps]
Or, you could make $2,000 in one afternoon.
- Ugh, which test is this?
- I'm talking about the soap opera fan convention
that's happening today.
I looked at your calendar,
so I know that you have the day off.
- Working from home.
- I already purchased a booth. Your name is on the website,
and I just printed out all of these headshots
for you to sign.
Obviously I will be taking commission.
- Alexis, there's a good reason
I've avoided these conventions in the past.
Showing up, taking your picture with a...
motley crew of pale, dewy-faced salamander people.
I haven't hit rock bottom quite yet.
It's a matter of self-worth.
- You did a commercial for adult diapers!
- In Japan!
In full-face Kabuki makeup!
- Okay. As your acting publicist,
I'm putting my foot down.
We're doing this. You need the money,
and this is how you're gonna get it.
- Look at you.
- Hmm! - Very well.
But there will be a safe word in case the gaggle
of asymmetrical faces gets to be too much.
- Deal. I'll start the car.
[Car rumbles]
- Okay, so I told Patrick that there's a salmonella
outbreak at the cafe,
so he will not be coming here until I tell him to tonight.
- Oh. Is it possible you could maybe...
choose a lie that doesn't make the cafe
look like it's in violation of health codes?
- I think it's a pretty good one.
- [Panting] David!
You said you were only gonna be half an hour.
[Panting]
- Did you run here, Mr. Rose?
- No! Just a pleasant walk.
- Okay, I'm on a site survey for the party.
Why, what's going on?
- Well, I-I just checked in "you know who's" parents.
- What? They're not supposed to be here
for another 11 minutes!
- Well, nothing to worry about.
Um, random question for you.
They're aware that you and Patrick are uh...
romantically involved, right?
- Of course they are. Why wouldn't they be?
- Well, they're definitely aware
that you're business partners,
it's just that uh, if I recall,
at one point Patrick was engaged
ahem... to a woman, so...
- Okay, what did you say to them?
- Nothing, nothing!
It's more how they reacted when I brought up
the fact that you two were...
romantically in business with each other.
- Ew!
- Yeah, they-they looked a little... shaken.
- Shaken? - Well, upset.
- Upset?! - David, they know, right?
- Of course they know!
I wouldn't have asked them to come here if I didn't think
they knew we were in a relationship!
They call the store all the time!
I mean, what do they think,
I'm just his business partner?!
- Possibly. - I mean, yeah.
- Oh my God! Okay!
Everybody calm down! Nobody say a word to anybody!
- Well, that sounds reasonable. - What did I just say?!
[Car door slams, horn honks]
- A few things to expect.
Now, the fans will either want a signed picture,
a picture and a handshake,
or a picture either of you, or with you.
- Well, that's reasonable.
- Now, if they ask for pictures of your feet--
- Hailey, you have been more than helpful.
If I might have a moment alone with my daughter?
- Slash publicist, thank you.
- Alexis dear, now is bad a time as any to tell you.
There is a dark side to Mummy's industry,
and I've tried to protect you from it your whole life.
- You took me to the Playboy Mansion when I was seven.
- And you had a wonderful time in the children's grotto.
But, this!
Alexis, you shouldn't have to see this.
Thespians selling their autographs for money
in cheerless convention centres.
- Mhmm. - Oh God, no!
We have to get out of here, Alexis!
- What's going on? - That's Gloria Gregson.
- Who's Gloria Gregson?
- Who's Gloria Gregson?!
She only played Grace on "Touched With Grace"
for 37 years.
The woman has 17 Emmys for playing a hot-headed
nurse who healed people with her sexual touch.
I can't have her see me in a place like this!
Come on! - Moira?
- Mmm!
- No, no, it is...
the Gloria Gregson?
- Oh, darling!
Well, look at you, you look gorgeous!
I'm so glad you're here, darling.
I'm usually the only marquee name at these things.
- I'm shocked by my presence as well.
- And I am Alexis Rose, Moira's publicist and daughter.
- Oh! Daughter? More like sister.
- [Laughs] - Ew.
[Insects buzz]
[Key rattles in lock]
- Happy Birthday!
- Thank you.
- Flowers are for you; the pizza's my lunch.
- Hi. - Hi.
Mm! So, how's the store?
- Thriving. But more importantly, how are you?
You gotten some calls from some family or friends?
- Yeah, I talked to my parents a little while ago.
They're on like, a weekend getaway,
so they couldn't chat long, but...
- Did you tell them about dinner?
- Uh, they were actually just pulling up to their hotel
so they had to jump off but...
- Oh. Um, speaking of your parents,
I've been piecing together that I don't think
I ever spoken to them outside of work.
Is that weird?
- Okay. I'm sure you- I'm sure you have.
- Yeah...
- Like, they know about me, right?
- Of course they know about you, what do you mean?
What are you-why?
- Like they know about "us", right?
- Um...
Okay listen, David.
I've have been wanting to tell them about us.
I really have, I just was waiting to do it in person,
and then I didn't go home for the holidays,
and then I was feeling so comfortable with you,
and your family. - Yeah.
Yeah, I-I don't know why I assumed, um...
So all this time, your parents thought they were just...
talking to your... your business partner?
Okay.
- David, I know my parents are good people,
I just... [Emotional exhale]
Hmm...
I can't shake this, this fear that...
there is a small chance that this could change everything.
That they might see me differently,
or treat me differently.
- Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
- But I'm gonna deal with this
as soon as I see them next, okay?
- Okay, what you're dealing with is very personal.
And something you should only do on your terms.
Okay?
That's why I brought this couple home one day
in college, and just told my parents to deal with it.
- [Laughs]
- I'm a take-charge guy, David.
I like to take charge of things in my life, you know that.
- Yep, mhmm.
- You're upset. I would be, too.
- Yeah. Uh, it's not about that.
Ahem... heh.
You're gonna laugh yourself
right out of the closet on this one.
You know how you've always wanted a surprise party?
- David, I don't think this is how surprise parties work.
- Yeah, I know, it's just...
part of that surprise was inviting...
your parents here.
- What?
- Yeah. I realize that was a big mistake.
I-I should've talked to you.
I could be just your business partner tonight.
If that will help. - No, David.
I, I can't have you do that.
I owe it to us to tell them.
I want them to know.
[Laughs] Yeah, maybe this whole thing
is a blessing in disguise, huh?
It's at the cafe? - Yeah.
The salmonella was a decoy.
- Ooh...
[Preparatory exhale]
[Knocks]
- Hi, Mrs. Brewer, Mr. Brewer.
I'm... I'm David Rose.
- Oh, David, come in.
- Oh, thank you.
Um...
I uh,
I brought you some things from the store
as a welcome present. We ran out of the body milk,
so I threw in some extra lip balms.
- Thank you, David.
- I just wanted to come here and apologize
for a very unfortunate miscommunication.
- So you're not in a relationship with our son?
- Oh, no. I very much am. - Oh.
- Um, I was talking more about how you found out.
- Was it something we did, David?
- I'm sorry? - Honey, stop!
- No, I wanna ask.
Do you think if we'd done things differently,
that Patrick would still be-- - I understand that this news
can come as a shock to some people.
But he is still the same person,
and it's his birthday, and he--
- David, we're not upset about Patrick being gay.
- No.
- Oh my God, okay!
For a minute I thought this was gonna get very dark.
Ahem!
- The thought that Patrick was feeling like he couldn't
come and talk to us about this.
- Is it because we were so close with Rachel?
[Quiet knock]
- Hi. - David.
Oh, hi.
Hi, Clint, Marci.
I see you've met my son.
How are you, David? Happy, I hope.
Uh, 'cause at the end of the day,
that-that's all that matters, isn't it?
- Dad, it's fine.
They, they are fine with Patrick being gay.
- Oh. Oh, good.
Good, then no one really has to feel bad
about how this information came out, then, huh?
- So what do we do now?
Not go to the party?
I don't want to make him uncomfortable.
- No, no, no, we are all going to the party.
Patrick is planning on telling you tonight.
So I think the best birthday gift we could give him
at this point is to just...
keep him in the closet until then.
I know that came out wrong,
but we all understand what I'm saying, right?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Whew!
[Birds chirp]
- As actresses we have to do whatever it takes to survive.
Which is why I'm on the convention circuit.
I do dozens a year.
- I still can't quite believe that.
- Well, can you believe that because of them,
I have a vineyard in the south of France?
You may have tried my wine,
"Touched With Grapes."
- Oh my God, that's your wine? - Yes.
We used to use that for sangria,
because it was like, so cheap, and...
so good.
- So the fiscal sweetener negates any discomfiture
one might feel exploiting their extremities
for a $20 bill?
- $20?! I charge $50.
And just in case, I wear open-toed sandals.
Darling, I used to spend my entire time
chasing after parts,
worrying about what people thought of me.
It was exhausting! But no more.
These conventions are a godsend.
There is a freedom in letting go, Moira.
[Convention goers chatter]
- Okay Alexis, let's do this before I change my mind.
- Are you sure? - Mhmm.
- I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you
into anything. - Oh, I'm sure.
- As Gregson said, to milk this for all it's worth.
So let's get it going.
I have some fans to meet!
[Crowd cheers]
- Okay, here's how it's gonna go down.
It's 30 seconds each, tickets in hand,
or it's back of the line, and no,
she will not be clarifying any "Sunrise Bay" plot points.
- Ahem! Feet! - Oh yes.
And if we're talking feet, it's $75 for one,
$150 for the pair.
[Crowd chatters]
[Crickets chirp]
- He's coming, he's coming!
- Okay, he's coming, he's coming.
So are we on lights?
Also, we're going with "Surprise."
"Happy Birthday" was too wordy,
and we couldn't nail it at rehearsal.
- Okay. - Okay! Okay, great.
[Bell on door rings]
[Patrick sighs] All: Surprise!
- Oh my gosh!
David, I thought we were just having a casual dinner.
- Mhmm.
Johnny: Happy Birthday, Patrick!
- What is happening? I thought you guys were out of town!
- Well, we are. [Both laugh]
- We're just so happy to be included.
- You've got a really wonderful friend here, Patrick.
- Yep, I'm just glad you could make it, Mr. and Mrs. Brewer.
Um...
well, I should leave you all to catch up,
and spend some quality time with your son.
But might I recommend the crab cakes?
I over-ordered, and they cost a small fortune.
- Hey, could I just have two seconds with him?
- Sure.
- What if they don't react the way I think they will?
- Then I will be here.
And we'll get through it together.
- Okay...
I love you. - I love you.
- [Inhales deeply]
Well, I am suitably surprised.
Thank you guys for coming.
Clint: Well, we wouldn't miss it.
- We just love you so much.
- I love you guys, too.
But um... Both: [Eagerly] Yes?
- Well, there's something that uh...
that I've been meaning to tell you.
- You can tell us anything! - Honey, let's just...
let him talk.
- Uh, yeah.
So I guess this doesn't really come naturally.
Um... David--
- He seems like a really great partner, honey.
- Marci. - In business.
- Yeah, he is.
He's also a great partner outside of business.
We're together.
David is my boyfriend.
And I've never been happier in my life.
And so I just, I hope you guys can accept that.
- Ohh! You are the only thing in the world
that matters to us.
And if David makes you happy, then that's all we care about.
- [Emotionally] Dad?
- I like him.
I like him a lot. [Laughs]
- Me too.
- I don't understand his clothes, but...
[All laugh]
- Ah, you will in time.
[Relieved] Oh man,
I didn't know how I was gonna tell you guys.
- Well, we're just glad you finally did.
Happy birthday, my sweet boy.
- Thank you.
♪♪♪
♪ I never understood before
- So I know that you're annoyed that the surprise got blown,
but this party might go down
as one of the happiest nights of my life.
- Well, I guess that makes up for the fact
that no one ate the crab cakes.
- Well...
so how long have they known?
- I'm sorry? - My parents.
How long have they known? About us?
- Um, I don't know, I don't know what you're talking about.
- David, I know my parents.
They're not good actors.
They knew about us, right?
- Okay, my Dad might've told them,
but he, he thought they knew.
- And the gift basket that you gave them
that I'm hoping you paid for,
that had nothing to do with you
trying to smooth things over with them?
- It was just a very messy day,
And I was, I was trying to detangle things, and...
and just make everything okay. - Yeah.
Well, you made everything okay.
Twyla: Not to step on the moment,
but uh, I do have to lock up in five.
- Oh. - Right.
♪ What a feeling in my soul
♪ Love burns brighter than sunshine ♪